Dear Blue,
Tomorrow is a big day for me. Your grandma wants to see where you are at rest. So I am going to take her to see you. But the most exciting part is that I am going to go and buy you a pumpkin for your first Halloween! I can't believe it is almost October! I miss you so much. So much that it hurts. I physically hurt Blue. Some nights I can't sleep and other times I sleep too much. I keep wondering when the hurt is going to stop, but I don't think it will ever will. I know I will never stop thinking of you, but at some point in time, I have to accept that you are gone. I have to accept that you are in heaven and the angels are taking great care of you. I have to remind myself daily that this was in God's plan, even though it angers me more than anything. I don't want to ever forget the memories of the months we shared, but I need to let go of the anger. Anger is only hurting me and not allowing me to make any steps forward. I hope that I can do this, for you, for daddy, and for myself. Anger won't bring you back. I love you Blue, I love you forever and ever.
I hope you like the pumpkin I picked for you my little 'punkin'!!!
Mommy
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
September
Dear Blue,
I miss you more than ever. Sometimes I just sit for what seems like forever thinking about you. Today I had a doctors appointment and there were 3 women sitting next to me with big belly bumps. I watched them as they held their bellies, smiled as they felt their babies move, and watched them stare into a distance thinking of what was to come. I will be honest, lately I have dreaded seeing mommies like these because I was jealous. But today I sat there and watched in awe as these women nurtured their unborn children. It was a moment of peace to me. I just sat there and smiled and thought back to the 12 weeks that I had with you. Even though you were not big enough to make my belly protrude like theirs, I still rubbed my belly all the time. It was kinda like giving you a hug from the outside :) I miss you so much. Daddy does too. We talk about you often. There isn't a second that goes by that I don't wish that you were here.
I love you more than anything.
Mommy
I miss you more than ever. Sometimes I just sit for what seems like forever thinking about you. Today I had a doctors appointment and there were 3 women sitting next to me with big belly bumps. I watched them as they held their bellies, smiled as they felt their babies move, and watched them stare into a distance thinking of what was to come. I will be honest, lately I have dreaded seeing mommies like these because I was jealous. But today I sat there and watched in awe as these women nurtured their unborn children. It was a moment of peace to me. I just sat there and smiled and thought back to the 12 weeks that I had with you. Even though you were not big enough to make my belly protrude like theirs, I still rubbed my belly all the time. It was kinda like giving you a hug from the outside :) I miss you so much. Daddy does too. We talk about you often. There isn't a second that goes by that I don't wish that you were here.
I love you more than anything.
Mommy
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