Miss you...

Dear my baby blue,
I don't know where to begin today, so I am going to start with I love you. It was a year ago this month that your daddy and I conceived you. That means that is when you started to grow inside of my belly. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. 12 months has crept by and I still miss you like it was yesterday. I want to hold you so badly that my heart hurts thinking about it. Some days I feel such guilt because I am here and you are not. I want you to be alive and crying. I want to hear and see you. So many days I just can't cope because I miss you so much. That angers me because I know I should be a strong mommy for you. One that you would be proud of if you were here. Not a big crying mess like I am. But I want you to know that I miss you. There is not a second of my day that goes by that you don't cross my mind. I read a quote somewhere and I don't remember it word for word but it went something like, if there were stairs to Heaven I would walk up there and bring you down to earth. And I would Blue. I would run up those stairs. I often hear song lyrics that talk about having just one more day with a loved one and what they would do. I always thought I could never do that until you came along. Now I would give anything to have one more day with you. A day where you were born and I could see you. I know I could never tell you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me in just one day but I would try. I would try to give you a million hugs and kisses too.

Some days your daddy and I just don't see eye to eye on things. But the one thing we always agree on no matter what is happening in our lives, is that we miss you and love you with all of our hearts. Blue, there will never be another one of you. You will always have my heart. I love you.

Mommy